... Stories of Sanchez ...

I don’t think most people should be blogging at one o’clock in the morning.  I don’t think most people should be blogging while they had a few too many miller lites.  :P

In anycase, I feel the need to jot down the events of the evening from start to finish so that I don’t forget them and to clearly figure out how the night transpired.  (it’s also a good way to work the alcohol out of my system).

I hung out with a good friend of mine and we went to Lime — Okay food… I had never had the “mini” dishes before so I opted for a try — the food was good but I doubt I would ever say “let’s go to Lime,” in the future.    After dinner and an impromptu visit by an old-coworker, off to badlands we went.  After 2 hours it seemed like an uneventful evening but clearly didn’t turn out that way. boy was I wrong.

Now I am not going to name names here, let’s just say that I made someone mad and someone called me out on it.  I’m not going to try to sit here and explain every little detail however to summarize the situation — I am completely disappointed at myself overall on how I started, acted and reacted towards this situation.  I don’t know if it was the alcohol (good excuse right?) or me in my raunchy mood this week but I let that evil petty person inside of me to rear its ugly head out.  It’s terrible, really terrible.

Suffice it to say, I am over it.  I am over it all.  I will not allow this evil to sprout out of me again.  To allow myself to stoop to that level is disgusting.  Even though I was surprised by the direct result of this evil, I nonetheless had an eye-opener and realized that this can not happen ever again.  I can’t let it happen ever again.

This experience has now me rethinking what I really need to do.  I really need to focus on myself, my family and my close friends.  That’s what is true to me.  I won’t allow petty issues and petty people to get the best of me.  As I learned in my professional life - never give anyone the opportunity to find fault in you - you can still be #1 by being in the middle of the pack.  And as of this blog post, that is what I am going to hold true and try to enact all the time (except when I’m sleeping of course)….

Nighty Night All…

Well, that didn’t long..

After a few good months, after forgetting and not wasting energy it hits me like a ton of bricks.  Granted I edited this sentence like 3 times already, I had a breakdown.. well a mini-break down.

Unfortunately no one has the “manual” to life.  We humans utterly stumble onto the next thing that is going to make our life complete.  For some it is money, for some it is buying the newest car or tech gadget but after my successful non-valentines day celebration, not caring about a relationship, I had the ugly feeling if incompleteness again!

Imagine yourself at the grocery store.. you have a 10 items on your list of things to get; detergent, chicken, ice cream, cookies, chips, soda, etc. and seamlessly you navigate through the already small aisles trying to grab everything quickly so that you can get home in time to enjoy not only getting everything on your list but in time to enjoy your purchases.  Now imagine that you get sidetracked along your hunt for your items and then you get home and you miss the one thing you really needed and/or wanted - the eggs!  Aren’t you upset?  Aren’t you mad?  Well you should be - eggs are good for you!  LOL!  Now imagine the same analogy but the grocery store is your life.  Job - checked!  Finances - checked!  Living situation - checked!  And for most of us (well I should say mostly me) can’t checkmark the one thing that I haven’t been able to find or attain - a meaningful relationship with someone that I can love and that can love me back. 

It’s quite the conundrum that is my life.  I had a discussion with a person about people not having it all. I had a discussion with a family member about wanting it all.  Needless to say that there is no complete or right answer when it comes to either discussion.  However, I have been a person who has worked hard to achieve where I stand at.  I have shed a lot of tears, dealt with bad news, been stepped on but I still remained resilient and managed to come out with a smile on my face but when it comes to my complete my life with a meaningful relationship, I udderly fail.

Some of you might call the co-dependent card out.  Some of you might suggest the same of me, which is fine - you are entitled to your own opinion, however, allow me to explain that my situation is in no way similar.  I was in love once.  I would have done anything for this person.  I did so much to show my commitment to this person.  I enjoyed 100 percent of our time together.  I felt like I was on cloud nine with this person.  I can tell you with 100 percent honesty  and say that if given the chance, I would have married him (law allowing) and live our lives together (time permitting).  Of course it didn’t work that way, but you can see what lengths I was willing to go.  To make decisions like that shows you how much I would do for someone that I truly love.  That’s the feeling I yearn for again.

I honestly believe that age plays a major factor in the way I feel.  I’m not Benjamin Buttons!  I am just like everyone else.  I am getting older.  I thought by the time I was in my 30s I was going to be settled down and in somewhat meaningful relationship.  If not anything at least be dating someone or go on more than one date a year (ok maybe 6 months).  I’m totally in this gray void right now.. no dates, no relationship, no nothing!  Argh!

I really don’t know where to go from this point?  Of course I am still going to work, and hang out with friends and go to the gym but at what point does the repetition stop and something (or someone) new comes into my life to make it interesting again?  All I keep reminiscing about is the some-what happiest time in my life 1.5 years ago.  Where for a few months I thought I had it all and then just like the flip of a switch it was turned off.

As I finish wrapping up my thoughts, I listen to my favorite song, Trick of Fate by Valerie Pinkston.  The lyrics strike a chord with me…

I never thought I’d find someone like you
Though in my every fantasy I saw you everyday
I thought there was no way - to make my dream come true

I always thought that I would be alone
Afraid to dream that anyone was ever gonna see
The love inside of me - but how could I have known

A trick of fate would bring us together
A trick of fate would alter our lives
We had to wait it seemed like forever
But never say never to a trick of fate

What were the chances I’d be here with you
That after all the lonely years of searching everywhere
I’d turn and you’d be there - from clear out of the blue

Thank god my decision to start blogging again was done on March 1 or I would have to spend a full day writing a year in review!

January…  was a fairly quiet month for me.  After Christmas and New Years I was excited to have the holidays behind me.  I was eager to start off the new year as a whole new person - refreshed, renewed and some what relaxed!  I got 2 out of 3 accomplished!  I was excited as finally getting a big financial woe off of my shoulders in October, I was looking forward to having extra play money to travel, buy new clothes or making insane purchases just because I could. 

I also decided that changing my food habits was at the top of my list of things to do.  I did a lot of research and started cooking at home more and making my lunch.  Sounds boring?  Well it isn’t.  I have to say teaching yourself how to cook is a tough job.  With several attempts I learned a easy way to feed myself healthy 5 days a week.  I only allow myself to fall off the wagon on the weekends. 

February… I hate February!  My arch nemesis came back to haunt me — Valentine’s day!  Yes, the dreaded holiday that can make most single still looking for their partners just break into utter tears!  A good friend of mine told me he celebrates Singles Appreciation Day or S.A.D. on 2/14.  I laughed!  I had a nice dinner downtown after my regular gym workout with two of my best friends.  We had a great time!  I can honestly say that our S.A.D dinner was the best valentines day treat I could have had.  After heart day, I started to gear up for the event I had been waiting for.. the Academy of Friends.  It was to be my first time attending this event and it was the first year being held at the SF Design Center in the SoMA district of the city.  I went to rent my tux at Selix!  Best place to go!  Friendly staff and great service!  They really have some cute tuxedos!  I wore a nice calvin klien tuxedo with a killer saffron colored vest.  Not only did I look like a million dollars I left like it too!  I went with my best friend and we had a blast!  I felt a little strange though because I know several people that have frequented this event that were no-shows.  I was expecting to run into more people I knew but I didn’t.  Of course I didn’t allow this to ruin my night, I got my friend and I VIP access which was awesome!  I joked to my friend about acquiring my vip access because I got it while having a smoke and chit-chatting with some gals and their gay friend who was a big-wig of the event!  Of course, like I said, if I look like a million dollars, duh, give me my VIP access!

Now that February is over I need to start planning my March out.  I really need to start investing in new clothes.  I just ripped/tore one of my favorite long sleeved A&F shirts that I looked fab in!  But, I am also trying to get airline tickets to my birthday vacation destination - Fort Lauderdale / Miami!!  I’m excited because I have never been to Florida!  I am going with a good friend of mine who has a resort booked for a week and I just plan to relax have a fun time and party!  I wanted to really treat myself this year because, well, because I deserve too. I mean last year I was miserable and lonely and just recovering from endless amounts of sadness and depression - this year that changes!  I also plan on visting the folks sometime next month too.. I am missing my dad and my stepmom.. and even though I just saw them, I do miss seeing my dad’s face.  I need to do a better job and visting them on a regular basis, especially before Fresno starts warming up to the point of no return. 

Well, I am off to bed.  I’m super duper exhausted and I have no reason why I stayed up this late to write.  I am gathering my thoughts on some recent things I have seen happen to people on facebook and I just can’t shake this feeling to rant and rave about it.  Granted it doesn’t affect me personally, but I can relate and since I can relate about it, I can write about it.  LOL!

Night night..

Well, I am back!  Back to blogging that is…  I really should have never stopped!  Well, I stopped because of a life changing event.. an event that I don’t really want to get into specific details about — let’s just say that event is over and done with!

So I started to ask myself about my return to blogging, should I return to blogger.com or should I start fresh all over?  Well as you can see and read I decided to start fresh with a new site and tumblr was the choice!  I had seen a friend of a friends tumblr blog so I did a little bit of research and finally after review the TOS I was like OK, this can do for now.  

I have a goal..  Well, a mission…  I really want to get on board as a part time contributor with SFist..  You need at least a good year with active blogging and a well versed interest in all things bay area so I figured that I really do miss blogging and I want to get on with SFist as a side gig — so why not start blogging again?  I mean, come-on, I really do enjoy blogging and when I look at what I wrote in the past, well, it allowed me to remember how much I enjoyed doing what I did. 

So here it goes… I hope I have fun with this one…